I Need a Tony (Blog 6 of 30)

Over the years, I have spent a lot of time watching car shows where guys take old junky cars and turn them into something nice.  Almost without fail, I end up thinking, "That looks like a lot of fun.  I wish I could do that sometime".

Well, thanks to my nice wife, I bought a 1973 Dodge Dart Swinger from my brother and it has become my winter project car.  And you know what?  It has been great!  I have really enjoyed trouble shooting things and taking them apart. So far it has been everything I hoped it would be (and it has given me something to do other than watch TV on cold winter evenings).

However, there is one part that I don't like so much..... I hate shopping for parts!  

I have just spent the better part of 2 hours looking around at various sites and bookmarking stuff that I will need at some point and I am about ready to pull my hair out.

Now, here it the thing.... it is not that I am cheap!  Ok - well maybe I am - but when it comes to stuff like this, I don't mind paying to get what I need.  I just HATE the process!!!  It takes SOOOO long to find what you want and then compare that to 5 other sites, etc.

Then I realized that the mechanics on the shows that I watch never actually order the parts.  In fact, they usually have some guy named "Tony" (or something) who looks for things, orders them up and - Fa Da - the parts are there when they need them

Therefore, I am hiring my own Tony!  

How much will this job pay?

Well - way back when I was single and needed a secretary at church, I used to tell the cute girls that I would pay them $5 per day and all the coffee they could drink.  The big Bonus:  They got to hang out with me!!!

As you may have guessed..... I never did get a secretary!  :(

Maybe I ought to get used to ordering my own car parts too.  

Now you Know...... (Blog 5 of 30)

So it has been a super busy weekend.  I worked in the garage on Friday, had a Bible camp board meeting on Saturday and, of course, Sunday is usually full...... so I have not had a lot of time to blog.

I promise it will get better in the coming weeks, but for now here are a couple of things that I came across recently that will make you feel smarter simply because you know them.

- There are 17 countries in the world that do not have any permanent rivers.  The largest is Saudi Arabia

- You may know that countries that are completely surrounded by other countries (such as the Vatican - which is surrounded by Italy) are called "Enclaves" (two others are San Marino and Lesotho), but did you know that an "Exclave" is a part of a country that is completely surrounded by other countries (the German town of Busingen am Hochrhein is actually located in Switzerland about a half mile from Germany's southern border)

- Those with a fear of flying need to consider this:  Based on past data, a Boeing 737 flying from New York to Los Angeles has a 1 in 4,136,239 chance of crashing, which means that you could take the flight every day for 11, 332 years without crashing.

And, lastly, a musical send-off.  Just because I really like it.

Progress??? (Blog 4 of 30)

Last June I complained about how new cars are way worse to work on than old ones (you can re-live that by clicking here) and, last night, that was proven true once again

Old cars and trucks - need to change a battery???  It is under the hood.  Undo the cables - pull the old battery out - put the new one in.  Done!  Maximum time:  10 minutes.

Last night I had to change the battery in our Acadia.  First off, it took me 10 minutes to find the battery.  It is not under the hood.  In fact, it is not anywhere near the engine.  It is in the floor behind the passenger's seat.  To get to it you need to move the floor mats, move the middle row seat back, the front seat ahead, take off the plastic guards that cover the middle seat sliding tracks and then undo a torx bolt to get the cover off....... and you have barely started yet!!!!

Then you have to take the cables off and then reach down and undo both the vent hose and the battery hold down bolt.  Then, because the box that the battery sits in is only a 1/4 of an inch wider than the battery itself, you have to undo the negative battery cable from the wall of the box and take it out completely.

Now, if you are lucky, your battery will have a handle on it.  I am not normally that lucky and, of course, my battery did not have a handle, so I had to wrestle it out by trying to jam my fingers into the plastic case of the battery itself.

The new one had a handle so that helped, but, sadly I had neglected to put the front seat forward so it was in the way.  It is a power seat (of course) so I had to hook battery cables up to the Acadia cables to get the seat out of the way.  Finally, I dropped the new battery in, did up all the cables, put the vent tube back in, replaced the cover, the slider rail plastic and put the floor mats back.

An hour and 10 minutes later I was done!   AN HOUR AND 10 MINUTES!!!!!  And that does not even count putting all the tools away again.

I am certain there must be a logical reason for jamming the battery (which you are going to have to change at some point) in a box the exact size as the battery itself and putting it in one of the most unaccessible places in the vehicle that is 95872489678943 miles away from the engine itself..... but I don't know what it is.  If the goal is to make people mad - they are doing a good job!

Oddly, my 1973 Dodge Dart Swinger has the battery right up front under the hood with 9687948679 feet of space around it.

Progress is a great thing!  :)

It is all Relative (Blog 3 of 30)

You may think that time is a constant, but somehow it doesn't always work that way for me.

For example, projects- regardless of what they are - house renos, working on stuff in my garage - always take way more time than I think they will.  Always!

On the other hand, shopping never takes as long as I suspect.

Tonight, I had to go to Canadian Tire to buy a new battery for our SUV (that is another story - tomorrow's blog) and because I was doing other things, I did not leave the house until 8:10.  Canadian Tire closes at 9 and it takes at least 10 minutes to drive over there.  Then there is usually a line at the parts counter and it often takes the little high school dude that is working that night a while to find whatever I want in the computer and then to find the actual thing on the shelf.  Then he would have to fill out all the warranty information for the thing, which always takes a while too.

In other words, I thought I was cutting it sort of close.

Then I get half way over there and there is a train on the tracks.  Like not crossing the tracks, but sitting there.  So - of course - I had to sit too.  I waited,..... and waited.... and waited..... and the clock kept ticking and ticking and ticking.  I was starting to panic!  DOESN'T THE CANADIAN PACIFIC RAILWAY KNOW THAT I HAVE PLACES TO BE???????

Finally the train moved and eventually the long line of cars moved too.  I looked at the clock on the radio and it said 8:21 and I thought, "Well, I am too late now.  I guess I will just go and see what they have since I am almost there now anyway".

Long story short:  I got the battery, paid for it and was back in my garage by 8:36.

8:36!!!!!!!!

The point:  Shopping never takes as long as I think it will..... it just seems like it does..... so I have an idea.

I am going to build an "Old Folks home" on the side of a big shopping mall.  Then, every morning I will give each man in the home a shopping list with like 17 things on it that he has to go get.  Nothing big..... socks, dish soap.... whatever.

When he looks at that list (if he is like me) he will say, "WHAT????  This is going to take all day!"   Eventually his anger will subside and he will decide to go and get it over with..... and when he is done he will look at his watch and say, "WHAT?????  It isn't even noon yet!"...... thus giving him the rest of the day to do whatever he wants.

In the end, he feels like he has been gifted an entire half day...... and he has several drawers of new socks!

It is win/win!  :)

Never a Dull Moment (Blog 2 of 30)

Most people have no idea what preachers do during the week.  I think they assume I just nap in my office chair or something (Which is just silly.... the pews are WAY better for napping than my chair is).  :)

Over the years, I have done my actual job, but I have also been conscripted to do tons of other things too that have nothing to do with my job description such as......

- Helping people move.  I have always said that every Bible degree ought to come with a free weight lifter's belt, instructions on how to properly carry a deep freeze and a pick-up truck.... you are gonna need them!

-  Farming. I have driven grain truck for 5 different people when they needed a hand.  Oddly, they never asked me to come back after the first time (Actually, that is not true.... even when I tried to hide from some of them they found me)

- Construction.  I have put in countless hours building things at our Bible camp and around the church building.  If they need someone to go down into the crawl space below my office.... the one that is less than 2 feet high in some areas and carries the potential of not only being attacked by some rabid animal but also getting wedged in so tight that they only choice they would have to keep you alive is to send pureed food to you by straw through a whole in the floor boards... they call me ("After all, the crawl space is under your office, ya know?"  Who can argue with logic like that?)

- Sewage cleanup.  When you are the only one in the building and the basement is flooding..... you can fill in the details.

- Electronics repair.  When the sound system is wailing like a cat in dryer (not that I would know that sound first hand - seriously!  What?) and you at they only one in the building......

- Baby-sitting.  When you are not the only one in the building, but some mom came to get something done and her offspring is looking for something to do, I get to be that guy (I was probably just napping anyway)

Which brings us to today's adventure:  Shovelling snow off the roof of the church building.  This used to be a common job in the spring when we still had flat roofs that leaked like "Leaky the Clown" (He was not very popular so you may not have heard of him.  Word to the wise:  DO NOT hire him for your kid's 5th birthday party!!!).  However,  I thought those days were over when we put a pitched roof on there about 10 years ago.

However, today there was water dripping into the foyer through one of the light fixtures.  Generally not a good thing.  So I got on the roof and shovelled all the snow to the edge and then Calvin pulled it down with a roof rake.


Here is the result......

It may be hard to get the idea of how much snow that is but Calvin is standing on it and it is still quite high behind him.  I would say the pile was 4 feet high or so and about twice as wide. Took us almost two hours of straight shovelling (not sure whether this helped or hurt my shoulder - see previous post - time will tell I guess)

So there you go.  Want an interesting career???  Want new adventures all the time???  Forget running away and joining the Navy.  Be a preacher!  Every day is a surprise!

PS.  They say that people only brag about things that they do not normally do.  No one brags about breathing, for example (Unless they have trouble breathing, I suppose).  So - you would be right if you thought "He doesn't do stuff like that every day!"   It is only once in a while, but I have developed a broad range of skills because of it.

And - as a bonus - since I missed my nap in the office this afternoon - I get to take two tomorrow!! :)

We are Baaaaackkkk!!! (30 blogs in 30 days - Post 1)

So I have not died.... it just felt like it for a while.

About six months ago, on this very blog, I bragged that I never had trouble sleeping (I am usually asleep within 10 minutes of hitting the pillow no matter where I am) and that I had not taken a pill of any kind in over 10 years.

Times have changed!

In early November I did something to my shoulder/back (not sure what) and I have been in excruciating pain for like for three months!!!  I could hardly move my neck.  I have not been able to sleep. It got to the point where I was going to bed with a muscle relaxant pill sitting on my dresser  just in case I needed it in the night.

Last night was the bottom of the barrel though......  Sara went to bed 15 minutes ahead of me, so, not wanting to wake her up, when I came into the room I did not turn on the light.  I took the hoodie that I was wearing and went to throw it on the chair at the end of our bed, but it landed on my dresser instead.  So I grabbed it and tossed it on the chair.

Then.... at about 2 in the morning my shoulder was hurting so I got up to get that pill off the dresser and it was not there.  It was then that I realized that I must have knocked it onto the floor when I tossed my hoodie on the dresser..... - so  there I was - in the dark - at 2 am - crawling around on the floor of our bedroom trying to find a muscle relaxant pill somewhere under our bed........ and it dawned on me.....  I HAVE HIT ROCK BOTTOM!!!!  Visions of my future grandkids asking the girls "What was grandpa like?" and them answering, "Well, before the whole Motrin incident he was not a bad guy!!!" flashed through my head...... so I decided to forget about it and crawl back to bed.

Then I realized "Hey - my shoulder feels better now!"  Apparently, all this time all I needed to do was wedge myself under the bed in the dark and I would have been fine.  Who knew?

I think I may market this new cure..... Dr. Ho seems to have cashed in - maybe I can too.  :)

Seriously though - I have learned a couple of things from this experience.... (1) Being in constant pain is awful!!!  Even it is just low-grade pain, it plays with your mind and makes you either depressed or super angry!!!!...... and (2) If you are not in pain right now and if you can sleep anywhere/anytime - SHUT UP!!!  No one wants to hear about it.  :)

Ok - Let's hope that I am not only cured but also (maybe) a slightly better person from here on out.
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I have decided to start a new round of "30 blogs in 30 days" just because without the pressure to come up with something every day - I don't.   So - I will try to keep up.  Please stop by and look once in a while - and comment even - that would be nice.

The kids were home this weekend and it was nice out so we went for a run in the snow at Woodlawn.  Here is some pictorial evidence.

This was sitting on the gate as we walked into the park.....

We found some Christmas decorations, so of course we had to make Muffy wear them.....

My favourite girls .....

US (of course)

Estevan has some pretty places (especially in the frost.....)

See you tomorrow!

Sunday Stuff

Sunday stuff

Come and get the rest of the story tomorrow if you like....

A Musical Interlude

If you follow comedy, you may know the two guys pictured below.  They go by the name of "Bowser and Blue"

I have seen them on TV and they are quite funny (avoid their internet and live stuff though - as they can be really crude).  Anywho.... before these two guys hit the comedy trail, they were in bands that played all over Montreal.  Sometimes they played gigs together as a duo.

I have heard better versions of this song (or at least ones I have liked better), however, I really like the harmonies and (considering it seems as if it is done live) how they put this together.  Enjoy!  :)

Vote For Me!!

As some of you know, I have stated that when I become Prime Minister I am going to decree that all ladies must wear Elizabethan ball gowns all the time (just because I like the look).  Until today, that was the only plank in the election platform.

As strong as that idea is, I realized that, in order to draw in the mass, I may need to present a few more ideas to rally around.  Therefore, here are a couple of more of my "Make Canada even better" thoughts.  I have categorized them so they are easier to sort through them and see where each will improve the life of the average Canadian.

1.  Clothing - see gowns comment above or elsewhere on this blog (Click here for one example).  I think I have expounded the virtues of this one that it does not require any more explanation

2.  Language - I realize that (a) English is a very difficult language and (b) Correcting people`s mistakes makes one look like a jerk.  Therefore, this part of my platform will focus more on education than on punishment and it is will focus specifically on the most stupid and annoying phrases that people use (because these are easily correctable).

Punishment for the worse offenders will still be harsh though.  For example, anyone who starts a sentence with the words, "I mean....." will be deported.  Now I realize that this is going to cost us some of our best young hockey players as every interview seems to go like this.......

Reporter:  What are you guys doing that is confusing your opposition so much?

Player:  I mean..... we are just doing what we do.  I mean.... we work hard and then we skate fast!

"I MEAN" IMPLIES THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO EXPLAIN SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY SAID!!!  YOU CAN'T START A SENTENCE WITH "I MEAN" BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT SAID ANYTHING YET!!!!!

Other (lesser) language violations would include......

- People on renovation or real estate shows who refers to a room as a "space" - as in "I love the light in this space" ..... or anyone who talks about a house being at a certain "price point" (that is just stupid - say "price" and be done with it).  Punishment:  Offenders will be required to live outside in a park for a week. The goal:  To show that "Space" (As in the green, open, unprotected space of the park) is very different than a "House".  We believe that after one week the offender will never confuse the two again.

- "Game changer" I have an issue with this simply because, most of the time, the people saying it are not playing a game and the fact that the actual event itself changes only a few things.  Punishment:  A "Income changer" fine (in other words - significant enough to really change something)

- I will also launch an extensive, school-wide education initiative to teach the difference between "bring" and "take".   You can only bring something to the place where you are.  You cannot, for example, say, "I am going to bring the kids to the park tomorrow".  NO YOU AREN'T!!!!   You are going to "Take" them to the park tomorrow.   "Bring me a drink" is correct - if a little rude (you could say "Please" you know?) because the drink will be brought to where you are.  An extensive chart will be a key component of this initiative

3.  Dating - No one will be allowed to date anyone who lives outside of a 20 mile radius of their primary residence.  This may seem to be odd and arbitrary (as if the other ones do not) but it comes from a very practical place.  Last week, we had to dodge three huge storms and drive 8 hours (twice) through huge mountains of snow in minus 40 weather so that our daughter could hang out with her boyfriend from Ontario.

Under my new government, this hassle would be eliminated.  Do you love someone from Ontario? Yes!  Do you live in Ontario?  No?   I am sorry - you must break up!

See how easy that is!  Problem solved.

Here is the deal:  No matter where you live, there are lots of living, breathing humans all around you.  Pick one!  There is no need to be driving or flying back and forth all across the country trying to find "The One".   In fact, the phrase "The One" will fall under the new language law as well.  Anyone saying that they are looking for "The One" will be deported to Ontario (Thus solving the travel problem for some but increasing it for others).

My slogan here will be..... "Forget finding 'The One' - just choose Someone!"

However, in order to keep peace in my own home, I will grandfather in any existing relationships so that those in long distance situations can see them through if they so choose.  After those are done, though, forget it!

So there you go.  While others may be talking about Global Warming, Carbon Taxes and Terrorism, I am going with Ball Gowns.... Less irritating speech..... and localized dating.

I thank you in advance for your support!  I promise to serve two terms and then retire with my big government pension to some place hot!  :)

Sunday stuff

I think something is missing

As some of you know, last spring I bought this 1973 Dodge Dart Swinger as a project car and it was a bit of a project (none of the lights worked - no taillights, signal lights, headlights, etc.  The passenger door would not open.  It would not idle, etc).

This winter I broke my cardinal rule which said, "Garages are for the vehicles that you drive!" (in other words - every night our good vehicles went in there instead of storing a bunch of junk while our vehicles sat outside) and I put the Swinger inside so that (maybe) I could get some work done on it over the winter.

Well - this past week I finally got to it.  For one thing, I put some different tires on it.  My brother had a set of 14 inch tires that he gave me so I spent one whole afternoon taking tires off rims and replacing them.  Then I decided to tackle the interior.  I tore out all the seats.  I took out the carpet and underlay (ick!).  I pulled down the headliner (and an entire mouse nest of poop ran all over my head!   You aren't working on an old car until you find a pile of mouse poop!!).

Then I decided to take a closer look at a patch that someone had done in the floor on the driver's side.  It was not done well and here is what I found underneath it (or more accurately what I did not find).....

Ain't there supposed to be a floor there?  If you can see the frame and floor from the inside, isn't that a bad thing?

The good news - one of the previous owners left a big piece of metal in the trunk.... which I figured out was a patch panel for the hole in the floor.  It still needs to have the surface rust knocked off of it, but here is what the repair patch will look like when it is in place....

The other bit of good news...... my sweet wife bought me a MIG welder for Christmas, so I can weld that pan in myself (with a little more practice on things that do not matter so much first).

So - overall - it has been a good decision to put the thing inside for the winter.  Hopefully, by the spring, the holes will be patched, the other list of issues will be fixed and it will be a fun, odd, cheap daily driver.

Who wants to go for a cruise????