Just in case (Blog 16 of 30)

Generally I try to be a nice guy.  I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.  I try to see things from their point of view.

But sometimes that is REALLY hard!!!

And sometimes I REALLY want to tell people that they are being stupid!

Like when people start griping about politics.  Here is the thing:  I am interested in politics.  In fact, I even follow it and keep up with what is going on.  However, I have ABSOLUTELY NO HOPE that politicians will ever make a real difference for us.  No matter who is in there or who is leading, their hands are basically tied.

SO STOP WHINING, PAY YOUR TAXES AND SHUT UP!!!! YOUR LIFE IS NOT THAT BAD!!!!

Now..... that is what I want to yell at people..... but I can't!  And (as I said in the first line of this blog) I try to be nicer than that.

So what do you do if you want to call someone an idiot, but do not feel like you can or should?  Well, one alternative is to insult them in a nicer way.  We all know phrases that accomplish this... like instead of saying someone is a "moron" you say, "He is a few bricks short of a load" or "Not the sharpest knife in the drawer".

Someone sent me a list of creative insults today and I am sharing my favourites with you so you have something to say when you are really frustrated!!!

That guy.......

~ Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
~ Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
~ The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
~ The cheese slid off his cracker.
~ An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
~ His sewing machine's out of thread.
~ If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
~ Slinky's kinked.
~ Too much yardage between the goal posts.
~ Big like ox; smart like tractor.
~ Butter slipped off the noodles.

And my personal favourite....... Back in the 1950s the church here was getting too large for its small building so they decided to add on to it.  One day, one of the church members was framing up part of the new wall and he could not seem to get things right.  He measured wrong.  He cut the board too short.  Dropped his hammer.  Bent the nails.  Nothing went as it should.  As this was going on the preacher that they had at the time leaned over to one of the other church members and said in his Texas drawl.....

"I think old Archie may have picked his melon a little too ripe!"  :)

Now, to be clear, I am not encouraging such behaviour and because you are so much nicer and better than me you will likely never need these phrases.... but if and when you do at least now you have something in your arsenal.  :)