Studying Humans (Blog 17 of 30)

It was "Family Day" in Saskatchewan today, so we did what our ancient ancestors did to celebrate the bonds within their kin...... we went shopping in Minot!

As you may know (or could probably guess), shopping is not one of my favorite activities.  I usually survive by using two strategies..... (a) Avoidance - meaning that I drop Sara and the girls at the mall and then I head off to the motorcycle shops, "Home of Economy" and the "Tractor Supply Company"......... or (b) If I get stuck at the mall - I study people.

Here is what my research has determined.  There are four stages of Mall Existence for the male of the species.

1.  Those who are on a mission.  These are the guys that you see racing down the hallways, looking dead ahead and not smiling at anyone.  Generally, they are headed to the sporting goods store or some other place of equal importance.  If you stand still, you will see them quickly passing you going the other way because they got what they needed and got out.  I like these guys - this (to me) is the ideal mall experience.

2.  The walking semi-conscious.  You will usually find these poor souls in the middle of a large group of people - usually composed of their own offspring.  You can identify this group by their vacant stare and their general listlessness.  They may have come into the experience thinking that they were going to have fun or that they could convince everyone else to be "on a mission", but by this stage that dream has died and they are now just lifelessly going with the flow of those around them

3.  The sitting but alert.  This group can be found in the large gathering places in the mall, whether that be a food court or a central intersection that has comfy chairs.  Interestingly, though they are no longer moving, this group have regained a little life and interest in their surroundings.  Generally, this re-engagement with the land of the living has to do with the promise (usually a false one) that they may get to go home soon.  Someone has likely said something like, "We are going to meet at the clock tower at 3pm".  This makes the poor souls believe that something good is going to happen at 3 pm and this false hope buoys them for a while.  As the appointed time approaches, you will see them looking back and forth, straining to sight those who said that they would be arriving.  It is this false hope that makes this one of the most cruel stages of all.

4.  After the hope fades, you come to final stage:  The sitting semi-conscious.  This group has almost lost their will to live and they are now just existing in hopes that someone at sometime will pass by where they are and say, "Tom.... get up!!!  It is time to go!!"  This stage can be identified by lack of motion, occasional sleep and possible drool.

Oddly, women seem immune to these stages while at the mall and instead seem to infused with great energy, extreme curiosity ("Is that a green pillow with a monkey riding a unicycle on it????? How much is that?????) and an unnerving lack of comprehension of budgets and their implications on family finance (Editor's note:  I do need to give credit where credit is due..... My three girls were extremely budget friendly today.  Though they spent a fair amount, they got a disproportionate  return in their favor.... there were extremely good!).

I do intend to study this phenomenon in greater depth in the future, but for now it will have to wait as I am just regaining consciousness myself.  :)