Bah ha ha!

One of my favourite columns from one of my favourite writers......  it old but still funny.  Enjoy!  :)

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TURKEY LEFTOVERS
By W. Bruce Cameron

Like many men, I am different from my wife in ways, which are noticeable, and, in my opinion, fortunate. 

Take the Thanksgiving turkey. (And I mean that literally. PLEASE come over to our house, open the refrigerator, shove aside everything growing green fuzz, and take this carcass away before it reincarnates as turkey lasagna or turkey tetracycline or whatever new concoction awaits the family.)  But take Thanksgiving--my wife prefers small birds that fit nicely into the roasting pan and which can be cooked in a few hours. 

"Ha!" I can be quoted as sneering. I trace my own gender lineage to that proud, hairy group of hunter-gatherers who, prior to the invention of TV remote control, would take their spears and go pull down a huge bison for dinner, stopping at the bar on the way home for a couple of cave brews. So when I go to the store for a turkey, I find a TURKEY: a Jurassic, many-pound fowl with drum sticks as large as my thighs and wings you could park a car under. 

Words cannot describe the delight on my wife's face when my neighbors help me carry the bird into the refrigerator, where, following the instructions, it is left to thaw for a period of six months.  (My wife often has several interesting but impractical suggestions on where else we might stick the turkey for this thawing procedure.) Cooking begins around Halloween, a slow roasting process which varies from my mother's recipe in that there are no flames or threats of divorce "if anybody says a word about how the turkey tastes." 

I enjoy every step of turkey preparation, particularly since I am not involved in any of it. Well, that's not entirely true--at one point, I am asked to reach into the mouth of the turkey and retrieve the giblets, which turns out to be a bag of what looks like pieces of Jimmy Hoffa. (I realize I am not, technically speaking, putting my hand in the bird's "mouth," but I'd rather not dwell on what this means.) How the turkey manages to swallow this stuff in the first place is beyond me. Traditionally, we open this bag, dump the contents into a pan of water, and boil the results. Only the cat is happy about this development. 

As wonderful as this all is, by the fourth or fifth night my appetite for turkey variations has waned, and I provide valuable feedback to my wife by making gagging noises at dinner time.  Her verbal (as opposed to projectile) response to this is to imply that it is somehow MY fault we have so many leftovers, to which I logically reply, "hey, YOU cooked it." 

Now, before you men out there become too smug with how adroitly I out maneuvered her with my quick retort, you should be advised that she STILL blames me for our turkey-induced bulimia. Therefore I appeal to my readership: has anyone else noticed bizarre psychiatric spousal reactions to turkey consumption which might explain this whole controversy? Please advise via return e-mail, which will be picked up by the crack WBC technical team and, judging by previous results, forwarded to the Governor of New Jersey. 

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>From The Cameron Column, a free Internet newsletter: 
http://www.wbrucecameron.com/ 

Three years hey? (and Megan news)

For the last three years or so, the windshield wipers on my old truck have been giving me trouble.  Sometimes they work.... sometimes they don't.... sometimes they FREAK OUT and start going fast and slow and then stop and then start again......  it is somewhat annoying.


So today I finally decided to buy the part and fix it.  Guess how long it took me.

Literally...... 5 minutes tops.   Undo the wiring harness.... three screws out.... pull the circuit board.... three screws in.... do up the wiring harness..... done!  

5 MINUTES AND I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING WITH THEM FOR THREE YEARS PLUS!!!!   SERIOUSLY??????   D'OH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well..... there is a sermon illustration in there somewhere.
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In other news, Megan tried out for basketball this week and made it so we will be hanging out at the gym in coming weekends.  Watch for pictures coming soon.

I have very little imagination

So I am not feeling really great today.... running a bit of a fever.... sore and achy.... I think Sari is poisoning me (She is not here today.... looks sort of suspicious, no?  "He's dead!!???  What???  Me???  No!  I wasn't even in town.... check my alibi... I mean... ask my friends!")

Anyway, after helping a buddy load a trailer so he can move, I came home and started playing on the computer.   Now I went to the 10 normal sites that I hit (Nascar.com.... cycle world.... MSN.... Leader Post.....TSN) and now I am stuck!  I have nothing..... I just keep staring at the screen wondering what else I could look up (I even looked up how Aspirin works on fevers and why.... ask me sometime it is sort of interesting).

So there is only one logical conclusion..... I must have read the entire internet!

(I heard a comedian one time say, "Well... I finished the internet last night.... yep... turns out when you get to the end there is a picture of Bill Gates:"....... I was going to steal that joke but......)

So I broke my own rule and went to Facebook and that just made me mad (Seriously??  Billions of dollars of technology tied up here and you use it to show me a picture of your lunch???  I don't even care what I eat most of the time... why would I care what you ate????).

I hope I feel better tomorrow..... I can't take another afternoon of this!  :(

An Ode to Chicken Wings

I love chicken wings and a football game,
"Louisiana hot wings" (if you want the specific name)
I ate about 30 of them... and set my mouth aflame
Digestion would have been better if the Riders weren't quite so lame!  :)

Well, it is still fun - in an odd sort of way

If you read the previous post, you will know that I was looking forward to this long weekend for various reasons.... not all of which turned out as planned........

1.  Parent/teacher interviews on Friday...... the interviews went well.... teachers were happy.... marks were good..... kids are nice.  The issue:  The kids were "missing in action".  In fact, they were delivering magazines to raise money for their choir trip later in the year, so they missed the interviews and the "Happy interview day" lunch that we planned.

2.  The Bruins game that night was fun..... no big issue here other than the storm and getting there and back

3.  Speaking of the storm.... spent two or three hours snow blowing on Saturday only to have the drive belt on the auger break just as I was finishing.  Bought a new belt.... took the front off the SB to install it..... 2 hours later (with some help from Sari) I got the thing back together.  The front fell down and I could not get it all lined up properly again.... long story short:  It is working now but a job that should have been 20 minutes was significantly longer (still thankful for a garage to work in.... I highly recommend it to working  outside in the snow)   :)

4.  Sunday morning was nice..... then in the afternoon I had some good buddies over to watch the Rider game.  The company was fun..... the hot wings were good..... the game was interesting...... the result........  :(

5.  I had a late night coffee date with my preaching buddy Jason Bandura.... he was in town so I met him at 9 pm for coffee at Tim Horton's and we closed the place down (Mind you, in this town - b/c of lack of staff - TH closes at 11pm so it was not that late but.....)..... then we went cruising until midnight.  Two preachers, without their wives, hopped up on coffee...... LOOK OUT!!!!!   WWWOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!   :)  (Actually it was really nice to see him.  Good visit)

6.  Now I am waiting for it to warm up so I can go out and do some more Sblowing..... Katie and Sari are painting at the church building for a few hours..... Megan is just hanging out and trying to catch up on sleep.... maybe I will rope Sari into a "Scrabble" game later.....

7.  So far, my motorcycle books and magazines have been left untouched and unread.  :(

Now - I hope you don't think I am whining, b/c I am not..... It has still been a good weekend.  It is just that things have not gone quite as planned..... still good.... just not as planned. 

I hope your weekend has been good..... and remember.... if you have to take your snow blower apart - support the auger end before you undo the bolts...... you will thank me later.   :)

A Snowy Winter Weekend

It seems that we are getting "Snow-mageddon" here tonight and guess what???  I am happy about it.  Why?  Well......


   -  The snow will force us to stay home some.  Though I know our lives are not as crazy as some (if I had to live some people's lives I know, I will kill someone in the first minute just to have the luxury of relaxing in jail for a few years with no other commitments), we have been going here and there (even if it is just in town) and so it will be nice to be at home with everyone.

   -  I have the day off work today (Friday), the kids are off school (parent-teacher interviews) and Sari is taking part of the day off.... see point 1.

   -  I am looking forward to "parent-teacher interviews".  Granted, at the Comp they are a little different b/c you just go speak to the home room teacher and they generally know nothing about how your child is doing in their various classes b/c they do not teach them but.... (a) My girls - thanks to their mom - are generally nice and sweet and make good impressions on people, so interviews are always easy and (b) I like being at the High School.  There is an energy or vib there that I really like.  Any time I have gone there to help with stuff, I am always impressed with the kids and the staff.... I think I am going to have to find more ways to get involved up there.

   -  I got to take my girl on a date last night.... something that does not happen enough (see point 1).  We also do not go to many movies (mostly b/c they are garbage 1/2 the time and b/c I normally can't commit 3 hours of my life to some story I don't care about), but since we don't go often - when we do it seems like a big deal.... and it was nice.

   - I have to change oil in the SUV today.  While that may not sound like a good/fun thing, it actually is b/c that means I get to use my garage.  After years and years of changing oil in the snowbanks, a heated garage with a stereo blasting still feels super luxurious and I am more thankful for it than anyone knows.  A simple dream come true, but a good one. 

   -   I have a stack of motorcycle books and magazines sitting by my favorite chair just waiting for me.  What better way to spend a snowy afternoon?  If you can't ride, at least you can drink coffee, read and dream right?  And then there are all the bike accessory books on top of that!

   -  I won Bruin tickets on the radio today!!  That story is made even better by the fact that my daughters still like going to games with me and are not ashamed to be seen in public with their Dad (a curse that many Dads have had to endure over the years).

   -  I have a couple of good buddies coming over to watch the Rider game Sunday afternoon.  Whether that will turn out well or not remains to be seen, but it will be fun hanging out with the guys and eating hot wings anyway (Hot wings make everything better, right?)

    -  And in there somewhere, I will also plan to get outside and walk/play in the snow.  It will be lovely - even if I have to shovel it (More lovely if I can use the snow blower and save my back)

So there you go..... a perfect looking weekend from where I stand..... not flashy.... not expensive.... not over the top..... but I am really looking forward to it b/c it will be about being with people I want to be with.... doing a few things I want to do.... and enjoying what I have rather than stressing about what I don't have or would like to have.

And what could be better than that?

Scrabble round 2

Tonight was round two of the "Winter Scrabble Challenge".  You may remember that last time we played, Sari lost and had a bit of a hissy fit.  Well, this time she was losing badly and started in with the, "I am ssssoooooo tired!!!!  Can we quit???  Seriously, I am falling asleep" routine.... and then she got "Quad" with the "Q" on a "triple letter score" and later put "Queen" (off the same Q) on the "Triple word score".

Suddenly, she was not so tired any more... and went on to win round 2.

So it is all tied up.  (I doubt you really care, but there you are anyway)  :)

A Book update

I know that many people who read this blog (like Roberta) like to hear stories about race cars, garages and, especially, motorcycles (Oh they say they don't.... every time I see them they sarcastically say, "Would you PLEASE stop writing such boring blogs!!!!"..... they are funny!)  :)

Anyway.... since I know that you are wondering to yourself, "How is that new motorcycle book you bought, Tim?" (if you do not know what book I am talking about, scroll down).... here is your update.

I would give it a 6 out of 10.

Normally not bad.  But I would give the first book a 9.99939 out of 10.

The first "Leanings" book is much more about Egan's first years of riding.  It is also about rebuilding a bunch of bikes that are now classics.... old Triumphs and Nortons and Honda 4s and stuff like that.

The second book is more about his later experiences of riding brand new Beemers through the Alps.... or his many trips to Baja country in Mexico.... or how he and several buddies loaded up and took a 10 day tour through Italy while test driving new Ducatis.

All of that is interesting enough.... but I am much more likely to be doing the things in the first book (Buying some old wreck and restoring it) than I am the things in the second book (riding through Tuscany on an all expense paid tour... as nice as that may sound).

So, if you like to dream about stuff that you will likely never get to do, buy book 2.

If, on the other hand, you like reading about things that could become a reality for you, buy book 1.

And if you could not care less about motorcycles.... well I guess you can always go buy shoes (or whatever it is that people waste their money on when they don't have the good taste to like motorcycles!)  :)

Halloween Total

 

We ended up with 74 kids..... about average. 

The first year we were in this house (like 14 years ago), we had over 100, but 70 is closer to the average now.

Anyone beat 74?

Go do this!!!

 

For the second straight year, Sari and I got to participate in an anti-bullying, self-awareness event at the High School in town.  It is called "Challenge Day" and it is run by a group from southern California.  If you ever hear about it coming to your town, get involved.  They need adult leaders from the community to make it work.  It is a powerful day.

I was absolutely shocked at what some of those kids are going through and what they have had to endure.

I was also shocked to see the "Big tough guy" in my group, who would not talk about anything at the beginning of the day, open up and tell us what he is scared of and how he really feels.

I was shocked that the pretty, smiley girl who sat beside me, within an hour, was bawling and talking about how hard things are at home... how her parents' marriage is on the rocks and how lonely she feels (I would never have guessed any of that by looking at her at the start of the day).

I was shocked too at how close I felt to a bunch of 15 year old grade nine kids at the end of the day.


In many ways, the caring, the openness, the love and the compassion felt like what I think church should feel like (but too often doesn't).

People - no matter who they are, how old they are, how "put together" they look - all need love and support... maybe more than you will ever realize.  You can be the solution to that problem just by really caring and daring to get involved.


This video was shot somewhere else, but it looks exactly like our day yesterday.

If you ever get the chance, go do it!  You will be glad you did! (Or - just start doing it.  You don't need a program to care about each other)

The most Terrifying 15 Minutes of my Life... or "Why I feel more like a Pippus now than I ever have"

The "Career Ed" group at the High School is creating a video to be used by  the "Southeast Cornerstone School Division" (and possibly province wide).  They are asking people from various walks of life to come in and talk about their careers and how they got to where they are now.  Questions included things like....

When you were a teenager, what were your dreams for your future?

Who helped you get to where you are?

What obstacles did you have to overcome and how did you overcome them?

What advice would you give to a teenager considering their future right now?

I was asked to be one of the participants, so I went to the Comp at 1:45 on Wednesday afternoon to do my interview.  When I got there, the nice lady who was doing the project with kids took me down to the "TV studio" and got me set up.

The studio itself looked like something that you would see at a hockey rink when they do interviews with players.... black backdrop.... lots of lights.... three cameras.... only instead of standing for the interview a single chair was placed in front of the backdrop.

I sat in the chair.... they hooked up the mic..... turned on all three cameras..... turned on all the studio lights..... and then turned off all the rest of the lights in the room.   Like all of them!   All I could see was this.....

Well that is not exactly true.... I could also see the red "recording" light on the camera right in front of me, but other than that..... nothing! 

Then - out of the blue (or in this case - the "black") came this voice..... "When you were a teenager, how did you imagine your future?"

"Well.... ummm.... I am not much of a dreamer so..... "

"Who helped you get to where you are?"

"Well .... gosh .... there were lots of people. (Gulp!) Like the preacher from my home congregation.... he was really nice and ......"

"Do you still keep in contact with him?"

"Umm - ya sort of.... by email and such at least.  I see him once in a while but...."

"Where does he live now?"

"In Kentucky.... but I am not sure where exactly and....."

"How long have you been in Estevan?"

"22 years"

"What did you do to get here?"

"Well - I am not sure.... I just sort of kept doing the next logical thing and it kinds of worked out that I came here for the summer and I guess I am still here"

"What have you learned about yourself that you did not know previously?"

And on and on it went..... It was THE MOST bizarre feeling and it was a little terrifying!

Now some may think, "You stand up and talk in front of people all the time, how could that have been terrifying?"    The thing is, most of what I do is not taped.  Once it is over, it is over.  There is no evidence of how badly I did, or how stupid I sounded.  Here there were THREE cameras recording every little thing and that makes it scary!! Recorded images don't go away!

Sari still laughs about the cable TV show I did as a 19 year old preaching intern in Moose Jaw.  I used to sit in this cheezy studio and do my weekly sermon for broadcast the next week - and (25 years later) Sari still busts a gut thinking about that tape much less watching it (Though I did get recognized one time b/c of that show.  I was at the Mac's store on 9th ave in Moose Jaw one morning and this teenage boy came up and said, "Hey - I know you!  You are that dude with the cable show.  I saw you on there yesterday!"  Then he shook my hand and left...... He was SUPER excited to see me.... so there SARI!!)  :)

As for the "being a real Pippus now" part:   My joke about my family is always that my mom's side is religious and my Dad's is anything but..... In fact, we don't have family reunions on the Pippus side, we just get together whenever there is a parole hearing.   :)

Sitting in that chair, under those bright lights, with someone firing questions at me.... I felt strangely at home.... as if my Pippus DNA was perfectly tuned for this experience!   However, I really had to fight the urge to say, "Ya know what?  It is none of your business how I saw my life as a kid, or what I do now!!  Where is my lawyer????" but I didn't.   I do feel closer to my uncles and my cousins now for having this experience though.

Anyway, apparently the teacher was happy with the interview (She was telling others how well it went) so I guess it was ok.....

At least I didn't end up in jail!  :)

Funny Motorcycle Article

If you have a bike, you will get this.  One of my favorite lines..... 

"Touching someone else’s motorcycle is pretty much on par with stealing a hug from the Queen: It doesn’t matter if you understand why you’re not allowed to do it, you just don’t do it."   :)

From Cycle World, by Peter Jones.... 

The Natural Law of Motorcycling Why you never, ever ask to ride somebody else’s bike

 Ps.  Jerms... I commented on your comment on the last post re. Peter Egan.... if you did not see that, go have a look.

A love/hate relationship at its finest

At times, I hate the internet!!!    (Can you actually say that while using the internet to broadcast that message???? Is there some sort of "Internet Screening protocol" that will flag this post and then send the "Internet police" to my house in the middle of the night, so they can kick down my front door, haul me out of bed and take me to some unknown "nerd location" where they will stick me under a bright light and keep slapping my face until I take back all the nasty things I have ever said about the internet??? We will see I guess...... If you do not hear from me after this post.... tell my motorcycle that I loved her!)

Anyway, twitter, Facebook.... the Kardashians.... need I say more????  The internet can be the greatest waste of time ever invented!! And then.......

One time, about two years ago, in Minot, I bought a book by a guy named "Peter Egan". Egan is a writer for "Cycle World" magazine and this book (called "Leanings") is a collection of his CW articles. It was great! I LOVED that book so much that I have read it three times already (and - no - not, as my kids suggested, because I did not understand it the first few times... ha, ha, ha!) :(

Well, Egan has another book out there, cleverly entitled "Leanings 2" (Creative dude, no?). For more than a year, anytime I am within 100 miles of a bookstore, I stop and ask about it and no one ever has it. Lots of copies of the older book, but none of the new one.

Enter the internet.... specifically Ebay and "Plumcircle" (whatever that is) in "West Mifflin, Pennsylvania". Btw,West Mifflin is way better than "East Mifflin" - you don't want one of those, trust me! (I am not sure what that last bit means... so you can just fill in your own blank there).

Brand new, hardcover, book.... cover price: $28.95 Cnd..... delivered to my door, shipping/taxes/etc in..... $12.53!!!!

 $12.53!!!!!!

How can I stay mad at you, internet, when you bring me cheap motorcycle books???

I can't!

I LOVE YOU!!!!!! :)

(Until you bring up Chris Brown and Rhianna.... or Ellen again.... then you are out!)

A trip, an adventure and a bedtime

The trip was driving Katie and a bunch of her friends to their soccer regional playoff game in Weyburn.  Sari was going to do this, but then could not go, so I got drafted.  Let me tell you, if you have not spent three hours (2 "trapped" in a vehicle and another in a restaurant) with 5 giggly teenaged girls... you need to give it a try.  It was loud... there was lots of singing to the radio.... laughing was plentiful.  The girls lost their game and soccer season is now over, but they had a lot of fun.... and I had a fun time on the last big road trip.


The adventure.... yesterday we went to Rafferty Dam and ran around throwing rocks in the water and generally exploring.... here are some shots.

And the bedtime.......
I put my motorcycle to bed for the winter after 7779 kms this summer. That is not a big year for some people, but for me it is huge. A trip to the Black Hills with Lenny. A trip to Dauphin. Up to Regina.... out to Carnduff and all over the place.... it was a great summer.

It has begun......

 

 So our annual "Winter Scrabble Challenge" has begun....... over the course of the next 6 months or so I will be keeping you informed (because I know you care) regarding our overall record which currently stands at.....  

Tim 1    Sari 0

As a side note:  I was going to describe for you all the attitude with which Sari lost.... however she told me that if I posted anything about her actions and/or her conduct during the final few moments of the game... well - lets just say that she made clear that I would regret it.   

So.... I am not going to mention anything about it..... you can ask her yourself.  :)   

(And please note that you can leave any questions, comments or even suggestions on how she may lose more gracefully in the future in the comments section below)   :)

 

She is everywhere

Sari is in the paper again..... the picture above was on the front cover.... click here to see more.

Radio story by Sari

The paparazzi won't leave her alone.... the radio station called today wanting an update on the breakfast program.  See the story here

Translator by Bing....

For the past three years, every Wed night, I have been helping a really nice guy named "Juwon" practice his English. 

This past week, he came in and informed me that he was moving to Edmonton.... this weekend. 

I was a little shocked, but he said that he would keep in touch.  In fact, he gave me his email address and told me that he would contact me and give me his new phone number.  Best of all, though, he made me his "friend" on "Facebook" (Well, technically he is Sari's friend since I am not a "Facebooker").

I don't know if you have any friends who post things in foreign languages on Facebook, but Juwon's stuff is all in Korean.  Fortunately (Not only so I can understand, but b/c it is hilarious), you can use the "Bing Translator" to convert the posts to English...... though I am not sure it works that well.  

Here are some examples......

From today.... "I bought the rods of the sixties, why the song-songwriting better?? Are done by one of the Tao, this must one ..;;;;;;;;;./;"

Or consider...... "use the social security number records submitted by won 130 immigration and personal information leakage prevention of damage caused today! ... ... ... ... ... ...I I;;;;"
 
Or the ever popular..... "Thanks to the next Cafe is, and all the obscene ads by restraining Yen online games have their clothes Kerik  .....Grateful for it;;"

Think about that for a while!

I am really going to miss Juwon..... but I think I am going to look forward to (sort of) reading his posts.  :)

A reminder

So Megan forgot her binder this morning.

The one I saw on the floor last night and said, "Hey, is this your binder?"

The one to which she replied, "Ya it is mine.  I will put it in my backpack tomorrow... No, I won't forget!"

Then, just as I am going out the door, the call came, "Can you bring me......"

I was a little annoyed (In former days, I would have been mad.... this time I was just a little annoyed).  However, I told her that I would meet her near the front of the school and give it to her.

As I rode up to the school on my motorcycle, I could see a handful of kids standing near the flagpole.  Then I remembered, "Oh ya, it is 'Meet me at the pole' day today" (For those who don't know - that is a day where Christian students around the world meet at the flagpole of their school to pray for their school, their teachers and their friends).

Then I looked again..... and saw both of my daughters standing there.

Sometimes it is easy to focus only on things that could be better, right?  My kids aren't perfect and neither are their parents.... we have disagreements and see things differently at times.  We misunderstand each other and have to go "make up".  We love each other but not everything is smooth and easy.

But this morning was a good reminder.... "I have some good kids!"

That may sound like bragging.... and it is.  But it is not arrogant bragging..... it is thankful bragging.  I am glad for their hearts.  I am thankful for their friends.  I am thankful that they can make good choices and that they are brave enough to be themselves (It takes some guts to stand there with the "Christian kids" while all your teachers and friends walk by).

I know that the end of the story is not yet written and that we have a long way to go.... but for that moment when I pulled up at the school, I thought, "I am glad those are my kids.... and I am glad for their mom who, mostly, made them who they are".  And I told them that too.

It was a good way to start the day.  It is an image that will go with me for a long time.

And I am glad Megan forgot her binder.

This made me smile.....

Dude gets his first kiss, on stage, from Carrie Underwood! Can you imagine? That is a story that will he tell for the rest of his life. Good for her! That was sweet! :)