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The older I get, the more I realize how little I understood what others were going through when I was going through it with them (That is an odd sentence.... poorly constructed.... let me explain).
I have sat with people as they watched a loved one die. In fact, I vividly remember the look on one man's face as we sat by his wife's bedside. I knew she was not going to come home again and so did he. I tried to be there for him.... I tried to empathize..... but the fact is that I really did not understand. I had only been married a few years and was immature enough to not really get what was really going on as he watched his wife of 50 + years leaving. I did the best I could for him... I prayed and said what I thought needed to be said.... but I did not really get it.
Why am I thinking about this?
Well, I am just starting to realize that I also have not understood - until now - how hard it has been for people to watch their kids grow up. From the outside, it looks almost fun. Kids are gone. Husband and wife are free to do whatever they want again. It is the natural order of things and it is good, right?
All that is true until it is your kid. Or I guess it could be true if you don't like your kids. However, if you do like having them around, watching them grow up and thinking about them leaving is not easy.
When I left home at age 18 I was focused on what I was doing and I did not really think much about how it affected my mom. She wrote me a super nice letter when I left (one that I still have) but I did not really think about how much that must have hurt. (I should have realized it.... it was ME that was leaving after all) :)..... but I didn't get it. I was too focused on what I was going to do next.
I have also watched Sari's parents worry about their kids and I have thought, "Come on, they are adults. Let them figure things out on their own".... but I am realizing now that is a lot harder than it sounds. As many people have told me (and I have not really understood), "Once a parent - always a parent".
So as this year opens with some big changes on the horizon for us and our girls..... graduation, jobs, new driver's licenses, possibly moving away from home, university and who knows what else...... I am just thinking that big changes are hard and I am sorry that I did not help others get through them better.
I would have - if I had known how those big things felt.
Generally we have looked forward to the next thing as being something good (high school for example was not something to dread but something to enjoy.... and it has been that way.... watching our girls mature, learn things, play sports and make friends has been great) and I am sure these new things will work out the same way...... it is just sort of sad to think about at the moment.
So - advice??? If you are further down the road than we are, what do you have to share? What do you wish someone had said to you? What did you learn? What do we need to remember?
I am have a cold today and I don't feel great, so I am feeling a little sappy about my little family.... and I could use all the help I can get! :)
1 comment:
Savour every moment, pray every day for your girls and for those who will intersect with each of their lives, and tell them often that you have asked God to surround them with His love and very best...and continue to visibly love their mother (as you do)...
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