I have SOME Good Ideas (Blog 22 of 30)

As I was driving to the office last week, I heard on the radio.... "And 600 gold gilded wedding invitations have been delivered this week" and I wondered, "Is that from our house?"

As you may be aware, there is a wedding taking place in our family this summer.

Now, you may be wondering why I would not know how many invitations have been delivered or whether they are gold gilded or not....... well, that is because I have not been consulted!  (By the way, of course, the 600 on the radio were for the royal wedding - not ours).

To be fair..... every time the girls start talking wedding plans, I either.... (A) Scream and run outside.... (B)  Stare at one spot on the wall like I am in a comatose state or (C) Pretend that I only understand Swedish..... which does make taking my input slightly more difficult.

However..... hearing that thing on the radio shook me up and made me wonder why I am not a more central part of the planning process.  After all, who has been involved in more weddings in our family than me?????  I have like 50 weddings under my belt!!!!   I am creative!!!!   I am a modern man who can contribute adult ideas!!!!!!   So here goes........

1.  I think that instead of the minister asking, "Who gives this woman...?" and me just standing there saying, "I do!" like a dope...... I think that Kendall ought to come down off the stage and fight me!  If he wins, he can marry our daughter!   If I win, they still get married, but Sara and I take their honeymoon trip instead of them.  This would create a little tension and bring some interest to a part of the ceremony that, in my experience, is normally just a "going through the motions" sort of thing. 

In fact..... people could place side bets for wedding presents!!!!   Kendall wins.... they keep the presents!   I win...... everyone takes home a new toaster!!!!!!

2.  At the reception.......Parents and grandparents sit at the head table and the wedding party serves us!!!   Think about it..... we are the ones that have done all the work for the past 22 years, why should the kids get to sit up front and be served????   If anyone deserves to be waited on, it is US!!!!!

3.  Speaking of the reception, two words:  Meat Pies!!!!   Who does not like a good meat pie?   You plunk one of those babies down in the middle of each table and - boom - you have just fed like 6 people for $10.  They are even on sale at "No Frills" right now!!!!   I could fill Kramer's trunk tomorrow - let me know!

4.  Cancel the DJ...... my mom probably still has a bunch of her old Stompin' Tom records in the basement.  Megan has a record-player.   He is Canadian...... Katie like country music...... everyone can sing along.....  what is not to like?

5.  Everyone, including the wedding party, wears Rider jerseys.  This way, no one has to worry about finding the right thing to wear...... Dressing everyone alike could represent the coming together of our families and the unity and love we have for one another (blah, blah, blah)... people would be able to wear them afterwards......and they are green!!!  What is better than that????

6.  No one likes getting pictures done (takes too long..... leaves everyone else sitting around waiting for supper) so instead..... oil paintings!  Everyone at the reception gets to paint a picture of the person across the table from them.  That way, no one is sitting around bored and Katie and Kendall can hang the portraits in their basement so that they can always see who was at their wedding.  This also eliminates the need for a guest book that no one will ever read again!

7.  Forget the flower girl and the ring bearer and hire monkeys instead!  Everyone loves monkeys and, if you get the right ones, you can make them pay all the bills afterwards (I saw a commercial tonight and there was like a whole office of monkeys wearing shirts, ties, and glasses and they were doing accounting and stuff.....They looked very professional and  I bet they would enjoy a day out of the office!)

And those ideas are just off the top of my head...... I gave this list NO THOUGHT AT ALL!!!!  Just think what would happen if you gave me some time and creative license!!!!! 

You have my number!!!!

(Ps.  The best part of this post is that as I was writing it there was a wedding meeting taking place on the phone in the next room.  I don't know why no one asks for my help!)