So I am out in the front yard raking up leaves - not because I want to, but because all of my "goodie-goodie" neighbours are out doing their yards and I felt like a jerk for having 14 feet of leaves on mine (By the way - have you noticed that the theme continues here... I work and Sari and the girls flit off to Dauphin. Does anyone feel sorry for me yet??? No???? Interesting!)
Anyway - back to leaves - I am out front and this guy is walking toward me. Now, it is election time so I think he must be campaigning and since I don't recognize him I figure that he must be the "Green Party" candidate (no one knows the "Green Party" guys... not even the "Green Party" people themselves).
Turns out that he is not campaigning... he is selling security systems..... now here comes the weird part:
- He gives me his pitch and then says, "Other people whom you may know (he used "whom") have purchased our system..." and then he proceeds to list EVERY PERSON that I know in Estevan. I mean EVERY LAST ONE!!! It was like he was looking at my friends list on Facebook - if I had a Facebook page (spit!)
- Then he says, "Did you have a flood this spring?" (WE DID!!! How did he know that???) "We can put in a water monitor for you".
- Then (somehow) he slipped in the fact that he was from Israel. I said, "I have been to Israel". He said, "Where did you go?" I told him and when he heard "Galilee", he says, "I am from Safed". SAFED!!!!! That - of course - is the home of "Kabbalah" the freaky, Jewish, mystical religion where weird things happen (Madonna is into Kabbalah - enough said, right?) I even think that he smiled and winked when he said "Safed" too.
- Then I asked him, "How did you get from Israel to Estevan? Like, how does that happen?" His response..... "I don't know". I DON'T KNOW!!! How do you you end up here and not know how???? (I am guessing some rip in the "time/space continuum" or some "time travelling portal" or something. Sort of like the way that the Ghosts of Christmas past/present/future in "A Christmas Carol" can move from place to place and through time with no effort)
- Then, when I told him that I was not really interested in his security system, he looked at the neighbour's house and said, "The people who live there are not the home owners, they are renters, right?" (How did he know that???? Huh????)
- Now, those same neighbours just put a huge, inflatable black cat in their yard.... and dude did not go to their house!!! We all know that ..... whatever he would be called... (You know... there are times when I wish that I had read more science fiction stuff in the past and then I would have 46904369 names for "other worldly creatures who enter the human sphere" to use right here - but sadly I am not that much of a dork.... so I do not have a suitable name for them - so lets go with "Bruce")... we all know that "Bruces" (or would it be "Brice"?) do not like black cats, right?
- Then he just smiled and left (so obviously he was not really a salesman - they never take one "no" for an answer). When I looked up like 3 minutes later.... he was gone. No where else on the block. Vanished!
- Oh and, to top it all off, after he left (like around 5 pm) it got very cold and dark outside!!! (Now you doubters will point out that "It is the middle of October in Saskatchewan, you bonehead" - and you may have a point - still.....). It was weird man. He knew too much about me and my neighbours to be a "security salesman"..... I think it was some sort of "encounter" or something!!!
One another note: When he was still here I thought about ramming a stake through his heart (you know, just in case) then I realized (1) he was not a vampire so that likely would not have helped and (2) all my good stakes were in the garage and I was too tired to go get them.
Anyway - as you can imagine - it was a FREAKY experience. I am just glad I survived.... but I have learned my lesson: No more work for me! I am going to lay down and watch TSN the rest of the weekend. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment